Courage
by MiHnn
Summary: He had been meaning to ask this for quite a while. He never expected that the one time he did ask her, it would be by mistake.


**A/N: Just a little something written for **oywiththepeetaalready **for the **Hunger Games Holiday Exchange 2013

**Prompt:** "Kissed You Goodnight" by Glori

**Warnings: **AU

* * *

Courage

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_It's just a crush._

That's what he always told himself when his eyes _happened_ to fall on the olive-skinned, dark-haired beauty of his class, and his gaze _happened_ to linger longer than necessary. She never looked at him the way he looked at her; he doubted whether anyone did.

Everyday since he was a kid, Peeta Mellark had made sure that he always sat just a little bit away from Katniss Everdeen. He didn't want to be so close so that she knew he was staring, and he didn't want to be so far that he couldn't study her features and paint them later from memory. It was a delicate balance of where to sit and when to move, and deep inside his heart, he really wished she would notice him.

But, she didn't.

If her eyes _happened_ to land on him, he would smile; he would be shy about it, but he would still smile. And his chest ached each time she looked away without any expression, as if his open and friendly demeanour wasn't even on her radar.

He still tried, even though his brothers and even Delly said that he didn't.

So what if he was not like other boys his age? So what if he didn't go up to her and make himself known? He had dreamt about her for so long that even walking up to her seemed too hard. The possibility of rejection was high. It was a well-known secret that she was dating Gale Hawthorne, and Peeta had never been the type of boy who intended to ruin a relationship for his own selfish gain.

Then senior year happened, and suddenly, he had run out of excuses. In just a few short months, he and Katniss would be graduating high school and going their own way. His father finally gave him the permission he needed to go to art school, against his mother's wishes, of course, but he was expected to come back home for the weekends and help out with the family bakery. It was exactly what Peeta wanted, so he was determined not to screw it up.

And try as he might, he couldn't figure out exactly what Katniss was planning with the rest of her life. It took a few subtle questions posed to Madge Undersee, and even blatant requests and cupcake bribes towards Delly for Peeta to find out that the only girl he had ever liked was going to be staying in their hometown. He was in a good mood that day. In such a good mood, actually, that he even gave away two free scones and got yelled at by his mother. It didn't matter, though. Things were looking up.

...Until Katniss Everdeen got an archery scholarship to a university nearly two hundred miles away from him.

His plan of making her notice him suddenly had an expiration date; a very definite, a very fixed expiration date. Which was why, when Peeta caught Katniss' eye at the annual bonfire that was held near the lake, just before graduation, all he could think about was to ask her that one question he always wanted to know the answer to.

She looked away from him, as she always did, and he took a swig of his beer for some liquid courage before he excused himself from Delly. He tried his hardest not to blush when he saw the way her eyes landed on the person who had captured his attention and her grin widened.

Just as he took his first step towards her, he stopped. Gale Hawthorne had appeared with two plastic cups of beer in his hands, giving one to Katniss before he effortlessly started talking to her. Hearing her laugh made Peeta step back. He didn't want to interrupt. Even though it took him a while, he now knew that Gale was seeing another senior named, Johanna and that he and Katniss have always been best friends, but never anything more than platonic. It still didn't make their relationship any less intimidating.

"Oh no, no, no," Delly said suddenly as she grabbed his arm and started leading him around the bonfire. "I'm not letting you do this."

"Do what?" Peeta asked innocently, feigning ignorance.

"I'm not going to let you back out again."

The closer they got to Katniss, the more he struggled. "Delly, this is not a good idea."

"This is a great idea," she said stubbornly.

At that moment, Katniss happened to glance in their direction, and because he didn't want to seem like he had no control whatsoever, Peeta tried to smile in a friendly way as Delly practically shoved him against the one girl he just might be in love with.

And slam against her, he did, if knocking her drink was anything to go by. Delly was extremely considerate about the whole thing since she grabbed onto Gale's arm and led him away with a loud, "Come on, big guy. Maybe you could introduce me to those really good-looking teammates of yours." Gale might have fought for a while, but with Delly, it was already a battle lost.

"I'm so sorry," Peeta sputtered. He wasn't sure what to do. Should he offer to help clean up her jacket? Would she be offended? Why didn't he think about bringing a handkerchief? Out of all the days when he could have used one—

"It's fine." She lightly brushed at her top and his eyes darted away when her hand lightly graced her chest.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I'm not usually that klutzy. I promise."

The corner of her lips quirked upwards and he counted that as a victory. At least she didn't reject him outright. That was a good sign.

"Can I get you another?" he asked, somewhat uneasily.

Katniss shook her head, the movement a bit stiff. "No, thank you."

Peeta nodded. "Okay." He wanted to say something more, what he wasn't sure what he could speak about. Small talk would be the worst possible thing he could mention, but he didn't know enough about her to start a conversation and not sound like a stalker.

And then there was the fact that he had probably been staring at her for a good part of five minutes and not a word had passed his lips. Shoving his free hand into the pocket of his jeans, he shifted from one foot to the other and smiled at her. She smiled back, a smaller grin than she would have given Hawthorne, before she ducked her head and looked away.

It was all… so… awkward.

He opened his mouth several times—five times, if he had been counting—and stopped instantly when he noticed that she was studying the rest of their class around the bonfire as they laughed and joked, her fingers idly playing with the end of her braid.

It was something he had always wanted to do, but was never able to. He wondered if he would ever get the chance.

"Catnip!" Peeta raised his head the same time Katniss did, his eyes wide as he thought that Hawthorne might have finally wised up to his desires and intended to physically maim him as a result. "There's a party at Undersee's place after this. Wanna go?"

Peeta watched as Katniss shook her head, the possibility of spending the night getting to know her slipping fast. "I can't. My mother's got the midnight shift at the hospital remember?"

"Oh, right." Hawthorne frowned. "I can drop you now, if you want."

"No, it's fine. I can find my way."

"Don't be stupid. I'll just go tell Jo that I'm getting late—"

"I'll drop her home."

Two pairs of eyes turned to eye him incredulously, which was the only reason why Peeta suddenly realised that he was the one who had spoken. "I…" He looked between them both, suddenly unsure. "I can drop her home." He turned his attention to Katniss. "I can drop you home. I was planning on leaving right about now and I'll be passing your house on the way home, anyway."

Hawthorne grinned widely as he clapped Peeta on the shoulder. "It's settled. All good, Catnip?"

Katniss nodded, even though it looked like she trusted him as far as she could throw him. And considering how much bigger he was than her, that was hardly far enough for him. "Okay." She turned her attention back to Gale with a happy smile. "Go back to Johanna. I'll see you at school."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

Hawthorne pulled her into a big bear hug before throwing Peeta a meaningful look. "Take care of her."

Katniss rolled her eyes, but Peeta nodded sincerely despite the fact that they all knew that she could take care of herself better than most people their age. "You got it."

"Don't forget to text me when you get home, Catnip," he said quickly before going around the bonfire and disappearing from view amidst the rest of their class.

Once Hawthorne had left, Peeta shifted his weight from one foot to the other, unsure what it was that made him feel so uneasy next to her. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow in question. When he simply stared at her, Katniss gave him a meaningful look. "Are you planning to leave now?"

"What?" He blinked at her. "Yeah, yeah I was. We can take my car. It's parked close by."

"Great. Let's go."

"Great…" he muttered as he searched for the closest log and put down his cup. When he straightened he saw the way she eyed his cup warily. "Oh, don't worry. I only had one drink. I'm sober."

"My mother works at the hospital. The one thing she always warned us against was drunk driving."

"Oh? Even Prim? Isn't she too young to get those lectures?" he asked with a teasing lilt to his voice.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously at him. "How do you know how old she is?"

Peeta stared at her, suddenly uncomfortable. "She…er… She sometimes visits the bakery."

She relaxed, her eyes dropping from his as her hand rose to touch the end of her braid once again. "She likes looking at the cakes."

Peeta felt a light blush colour his cheeks. "Thanks. I decorate them."

She nodded, her eyes not meeting his. He hoped sincerely that he didn't embarrass her in any way. "We should go."

"Right. We should." It took him another few minutes to get his bearings and to realise that she was waiting for him to lead the way.

The ride to her place was a silent one. He took the longer route home, knowing that if she knew where he lived, she would have been able to figure out that he had lied to her best friend earlier. She directed him with short sentences, even though she need not have. He knew where she lived from the one time he had had courage to go to her place with the intention of befriending her. He never had the courage to take that final step and ring the doorbell, and years later, he still regretted that.

"You can turn right here."

Peeta pulled alongside her house and cut the engine. This was it. This was his moment. All he had to do was ask her that one question.

The seconds ticked by and nothing came out of his mouth. He was eerily aware that she was seated beside him, her fingers playing with her braid, and she wasn't making a move to leave.

If he said something, would he spook her? If he stayed silent, would she think that he was a freak of some sort and avoid him for the rest of her life? He opened his mouth to say something—anything—but she beat him to it.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

He blinked at her in surprise. "What?"

Her voice was small, her head ducked and her gaze focused away from him, but she continued anyway. "I was the girl you gave bread to."

He stared at her, unable to believe that she remembered. He thought she had forgotten, that maybe she thought he had been one of his brothers. His fingers tightened around the wheel as his heart thudded a medley in his chest. "I know," he said softly.

Her head snapped up at his words, her eyes wide. Her lips parted as if she was going to say something, but at the last moment, panic settled and she suddenly turned around, threw open the door and ran from his car.

Peeta stared after her for a second before he did the same as adrenaline coursed through his veins and his chest compressed with realisation.

He reached her just as she put the key in to the lock, his hand reaching for her, only to drop away at the last second. "Wait. I—"

She turned around, a sense of steely determination in her eyes. "I'll pay you back. Every cent. It will take some time, but I've got a job and—"

"No, I don't want your money."

"You don't?" she asked suspiciously.

"Of course not. I did what I did because your dad had just died and you needed it. That's all. You don't owe me anything."

"You gave us free bread for a year," she said slowly. "I didn't know who gave us that envelope of coupons for the longest time. I owe you," she said strongly. "And I will pay you back."

"You don't need to."

"Yes, I do."

"Why?" he asked desperately. "I'm telling you that you don't need to pay me back."

"Because the day I pay you back, is the day I don't owe you anything."

His shoulders deflated at her words. "Is owing me so bad?"

"Yes," she said strongly, as if he should understand it the way she did. "Peeta…"

It was the first time she had ever said his name, and without a thought, with every intention of proving to her that he was the sort of guy she didn't owe anything to, he kissed her.

It was gentle and too quick for his liking, but she didn't push him away, which was a victory in its own right.

His first intention was to apologise. He had never considered himself as one of those guys who would kiss a girl without asking permission first, and he felt a blush colour his cheeks as he felt embarrassment for his behaviour. "I'm sorry. I—"

He never expected her to be the one to kiss him. And kiss him she did, with her fingers tangling in his blond curls at the nape of his neck as his arms circled around her happily.

Just as it started, it ended, and Katniss shook her head as Peeta tried to grab another kiss for himself.

"That's why," she said softly. "Nothing can come of us unless I don't owe you anything more."

"You don't owe me. I told you—"

"I owe you," she said softly, her words filled with serious resolve. "For everything." Leaning forward, she placed a light kiss to the corner of his lips. "Maybe we can try this again once I pay you back."

She untangled herself from his grasp and stepped back. "Goodnight, Peeta."

"Goodnight," he mumbled just as the door closed behind her.

Any other girl, he would have seen this as a rejection, but with Katniss Everdeen, who said what she meant and never anything more, it was hope.

He grinned to himself as he made his way back to his car. If she intended to pay him back, maybe he could use this to his advantage and secure a few dates along the way.

Things were finally looking up.

_Fin._


End file.
